Why Horrible Feelings Are Really Great Friends
We’ve all had them—those gnawing, anxious, heavy feelings that seem to come out of nowhere. And when they hit, we tend to assume they’re telling us something important about the world around us.
I feel anxious—something must be wrong.
I feel insecure—maybe I’m not good enough.
I feel frustrated—this situation must be the problem.
But what if we’ve been misunderstanding our feelings this whole time?
What if they’re not telling us anything about our circumstances, other people, or the future?
What if they’re only ever giving us valuable, real-time information about one thing—the quality of our thinking in that moment?
The Rumble Strip Effect
Imagine you’re driving down a highway. You start to drift a little, and suddenly—rrrRRRrrr!—your tires hit the rumble strip. The steering wheel vibrates, and there’s that loud, jolting noise.
What do you do?
You don’t panic. You don’t assume the road is broken. You don’t pull over and start inspecting the pavement.
You just realize, Oh, I drifted a little, and naturally steer back onto the road.
Now, imagine if every time you hit a rumble strip, you overreacted—yanking the wheel, slamming on the brakes, assuming something was seriously wrong. That would make driving exhausting and chaotic.
This is exactly what we do with our feelings.
When we feel anxious, overwhelmed, or frustrated, it’s just a rumble strip of the mind—a gentle (or not-so-gentle) signal letting us know that our thinking has drifted.
But instead of recognizing the simple message, we often overcorrect:
Why do I feel this way?
What does this mean about me?
How do I fix this?
When in reality, the best thing we can do is what we naturally do when we hit a real rumble strip—ease up, stop overreacting, and let ourselves settle back on course.
The Big Misunderstanding
Most of us believe that feelings are delivering urgent news about what’s happening out there.
If we feel anxious, we assume it means something bad is coming.
If we feel insecure, we take it as evidence that we’re not capable.
If we feel frustrated, we blame the situation or the people involved.
But here’s what’s actually happening: feelings are simply a reflection of our current thinking.
That’s it.
Not a prediction. Not a warning. Not a deep truth about who we are. Just a moment-to-moment indicator of the thoughts passing through our mind.
Why This Is Incredible News
Imagine you’re driving and you don’t realize that the rumble strip is just a signal about your position on the road.
You might think the road itself is breaking apart. You might assume something is wrong with your car. You might start looking for a mechanic or pulling over in distress. You may even think that something is wrong with the direction you’re going… or where you’ve been.
But the second you realize, Oh, this is just a nudge letting me know I veered off a little, you stop overreacting. You simply adjust and keep driving.
That’s exactly how it works with our emotions.
When we feel anxious, overwhelmed, or upset, it’s not because life is objectively scary or overwhelming. It’s just a sign that our mental steering has drifted.
And just like driving, if we don’t panic or overcorrect, clarity naturally returns.
What Changes When You See This?
When we truly understand that feelings only reflect our own thinking—never our circumstances—something shifts:
✅ We stop treating bad feelings as problems to fix.
✅ We don’t take our anxious or fearful thoughts so seriously.
✅ We stop looking outside of ourselves for the cause of our emotions.
✅ We naturally relax, knowing that clearer thinking will always return.
A Friend, Not a Foe
Horrible feelings may not feel like friends, but they’re actually doing us a favor. They remind us when we’re caught in unhelpful thinking. They let us know when we’re momentarily off track.
And once we see how they really work—versus how we’ve been taught they work—they begin to lose their power.
We no longer have to fear them, fix them, or analyze them. We don’t have to take them as signs that something is wrong with us or our circumstances. We simply recognize them for what they are: a temporary signal that our thinking is off track, not a reflection of reality.
So next time anxiety, frustration, or self-doubt creeps in, instead of assuming it’s telling you something about your life, try this:
"Oh hey, there you are again. Thanks for letting me know my thinking is a little off right now. I don’t need to fix you—I’ll just wait for clarity to return."
And just like that, you’re free.